And It Returns

Man my job is stressful sometimes. Nothing comes easy in life i guess. I've been way to busy to write in this thing. As I am sitting here I am worried about my job security. One more month to kick ass, then my 3-month probation is up and I can feel like I belong there. Sometimes I seriously think that there are not enough hours in the day.

Now that I am laying here in my bed on the day I call in sick, do I have the time to write. Some ruminations that have been going on in my mind for the past couple months:

- My time here is limited. I plan on staying in San Diego no more than 1.5 years, then move somewhere else.

- My time in the US is also limited. The bug is coming back, and I cannot see myself here in the next few years. I've already been looking up jobs and schools abroad. I love CA, but I will ALWAYS say this: You can always come back home. Life is too big and too wonderful to stay in one place. The more I stay here, the more I see myself as doing bigger and bigger things. I'm already thinking business school, if I like this continuing into the years.

- I need to stop thinking about 24/7. I think I ruminate about it so much because I want to kick ass. But at the same time, I believe that if I spend too much time thinking about it, I will get sick of it soon.

- Russia is bigger in my prospectus. So is Switzerland. So is Japan. I see Switzerland in my future.....seriously.

- I am taking a 2-week vacation this winter 2010 =)

- Time to get a car this week.

- KINGS of CONVENIENCE, and being healthy.

Oh the riches baby...

Found the Gwen Stefani Love.Angel.Music.Baby CD in my stack of CDs at home.
Rich Girl is a bitchin song.

Soooo ein kleines Update in meinem Leben. So als diese Melatonin Talblette verdaut in meinem Magen, sage ich daß:

I stopped reading for a bit, due to the fact that my guitar has taken up the majority of the time. Seriously though, my fingers are very overdue on the guitar playing, at least 5 months overdue, and it is a relief to have my lovely Seattal down with me here in sunny San Diego.

After being home for a week, I have had some very personal realizations, which I have been reiterating to myself and others over and over again: Although my journey in Los Angeles was no doubt a very tough one, as I have experienced the full spectrum of emotions, depression to elation, existential anxiety to joyous fatalism, I could not have ask for any other path in life. I remember daydreaming about how much better my life would be if I were back home, and now that I realize how much of a life I have created here (and the rest of the world at that) on my own, I realize that I right now at this point in my life I am where I need to be. Of course, my thoughts and ambitions may change in a heartbeat, and I may feel a sudden urge to shoot off to some remote location far east, or back to Germany, but that time is not now. When it comes, then I will pursue it. I believe that I have been blessed with a life that has given me the opportunity to explore almost any endeavor that I wish. It is indeed a powerful, yet humbling feeling to know your place in this world.

And now I find myself here in San Diego, the southernmost point of the westernmost area in the modern Western World. Where I go in the future, I do not know. But what I do know is that I am thankful for every day that I am given on this earth. Although I do not believe in organized religion, and I do not know whether or not there is a God (nor do I believe it matters), I do believe in feeling blessed, and feelings thankful; feeling appreciation for the world around me, because for once I finally see its beauty.

At the risk of getting into Boring Politics....

...I would like to share an interesting excerpt from the book that I am reading, "Eastward to Tartary":

"Zhelyu Zhelev, Bulgaria's first post-Communist president and the author of a 1982 dissident work, 'What is Fascism?', told me that a totalitarian state should normally be followed by a military regime, as in Spain...which set the stage for a peaceful, relatively civil, and slow transition to democracy....New democracies, weak and lacking institutions, created power vacuums filled by organized crime"

I find this to be a very interesting, and perceptive look into how to successfully transition a communist state into a Democratic state. I believe he makes sense in his accusations, as those nations that quickly turn to democracies end up at the whim of the ex-Communist elite, who use their wealth to manipulate a free political system through bribery to get their way in government. This probably explains the difficulty that many nations have gone under in their transition to a democracy. The freedom of democracy can be very easily abused by those who do not understand it. Think about the transition of Japan from an Empire to a democracy today. The heavy involvement of the US military in the post WWII years has ended up working the best for the nation in the end, since it is the second largest economy in the world, behind the US. In fact, Germany is the third largest, which makes it quite coincidental that the two major axis during WWII, with US help, ended up as two of the most economically powerful nations on the earth today.

This is not to laud the United States in any means, but one cannot deny that the US's military involvement in these nations' 'transitions' into democracy has indeed turn them into major powers in the world. did the Administration go into Iraq thinking the same thing? Then again there were a few failures, Vietnam, Kosovo. The future of Iraq will be something very interesting to witness, and if the United States is successful in turning Iraq into something even remotely close to Germany or Japan, those Bush-haters (including me) are going to have to rethink their attitudes towards one of the least popular presidents in history.

Feedback would no doubt be appreciated on this subject, if I haven't already bored the hell outta those who read this =)

Eastward to Tartary

Last night I could not sleep. It very well was due to the fact that while reading the memoir I fell asleep at 8:30 and woke up at 1.

During my time awake I continued reading the memoir, which continued, if not strengthened my fascination with the East/West divide within Europe. Perhaps it is my insatiable yearning to return to Europe and take a little trip through the Iron Curtain, perhaps it is because I have had a small taste of the East through my experiences both in Berlin and in Budapest, I really do not know. But as I read the novel, I found myself imagining my trips through the rugged terrain of the quickly developing ex-communist regions, experiencing first-hand the confluence between the Protestant West and the Orthodox East. When arriving in Budapest, I remember vividly after stepping off that train telling myself that this was not the Europe that many people imagine. No, there was something strangely different and enticing in this area. At the risk of sounding orientalist, I do have to say that there was a sense of exoticism in this area not found in Western Europe. When I was there I struggled to pinpoint it, but now it makes sense. Budapest starts the merging of the east and west; it is the point where Western Rome's Latin and Christian influence end, and Byzantium and the Ottoman Empire's influence begins; the meshing of the Christian and the Muslim worlds.....fascinating.

Jetzt spreche ich auf Deutsche, damit kaum jemand mich versteht. Warten kann ich nicht, auf mein einiges Wohnung zu haben. Fast jeden tag gibt es ein Argument oder sowas, und ich glaube nicht daß die Jugendliche so viel mich ärgern können. Manchmal fühle ich mich daß ich meine Nichte schlugen will, für alle der Scheiße die sie baut. Kwatch...

Time to READ

Since my graduation, my interest in reading has heightened a lot. A few books that I have read this summer include:

The Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follett
- a monster of an amazing book. Its super long, about 980 pages or something, but I have never read a book that long that has kept me for the entire time in complete suspense. This is a very fun historical book

Candide by Voltaire
- A look at man in the face of absurd cicrumstances. Nice and quick classical read.

Paranoia by Joseph Finder
- Cheesy popcorn book, but a page-turner nonetheless

Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
- GREAT mystery crime thriller that paints an eerie yet mesmerizing picture of Sweden. It has two sequels, which I will read after I read this nonfiction. I find myself not really to be one to read sequels right after I read the first. I tend to get tired of an authors style for a bit. But no doubt I will return to this series, probably after this next book.

I just picked up a nonfiction memoir called Eastward to Tartary by Robert Kaplan, which chronicles a man's travels from Eastern Europe to Central Asia in the 1990s. This is basically a piece on the ever-present and ever-changings conflict between the East and the West, which is ride up my alley. Hopefully it won't be boring though

Excerpt from the LA Metro.

So a few things have been going on my my mind since my last blog post. Most of my thoughts have been centered upon trying to find a job, what i would do with the money when I get one, and all the additional stress that comes with increased responsibility.

Well I got a job, a decent paying job, something that I could safely get a car and a small place with. But now what? I lost a lot of sleep last night thinking about the future and wondering about the things that I am going to invest in, etc. etc. The obvious ones are to pay my loans back, and that nasty ticket that I also got more than a year and a half ago. But a couple more things were ruminating in my mind. In fact I felt almost like a small child last night so excited about going to Disneyland tomorrow that he cannot sleep. I began thinking about my musical hobbies, aka guitar, DJ, piano, and with pure selfishness began to think that I could actually invest in these hobbies now that I have no other obligations other than my own self- betterment. Like a child on Santa's lap, I want an amazing sound system for my small place, and a killer little DJ set, so I can play my songs. =)

Im sitting in the LA Metro Red Line now on my way to Hollywood, and am very happy that I can manage the public transportation system in Southern California for only 14$. But I am also getting car sick so this will have to wait till later.

total FAIL

So I pretty much FAILED at any attempt to blog my journey in Germany. SO I'll just basically write whatever comes to my mind from now on.

I ran today, and am trying to get back to my weekly routine of 10 miles a week. So far this week I ran 8, which was me goal for this week so YAY! I need to add in another day sometime during the week, but I will also take my time. I also am thinking of doing my running route but in the opposite direction, to help keep my body form adapting to the running. I may do like a switch off every week.

I was listening only to German music during my run, and thought that would be a great time for me to keep training my language skills. Not to mention keeping my mind on trying to understand German lyrics or music, and it helps keep it off of the run itself. I

Ironically, fast-paced music has lately been proving not to be conducive to my running efforts. Slower music, or German has kept me the most motivated. I went through a House music phase when I ran, but i listen to that when I work, so it already has certain place in my thought process. Artist on my running playlist lately: Whitest Boy Alive and Nena's new 20 Jahre Album, with remakes of all her classics. The 99 Luft Balloons remake song, while obviously not as good as the original, is a GREAT running track; very uplifting.

As I was running today I was pondering the reasons why I take such an interest in Germany so much. My visit to Berlin really had a great effect upon me. One cannot describe the feeling that you get from such a city, this desire to push forward with the memories of suc ha rugged past still resonating. While I was listening to the 99 Luft Balloons, I realized that I really felt for the people of Germany, this desire to move forward from a dark history, to let go of the past and discover a new self in the future. The song obviously carries many dark and apocalyptic undertones, and was made in a time when the Wall was still up. Sometimes I struggle to imagine how it was like to be literally on die Grenze (the border) between the Western Capitalistic World, and Eastern Communistic world. These people had little difference between each other. They ate the same food, spoke the same language, had their families on the other side. Yet because of some difference in political ideology, they were prevented from seeing each other or even showing any degree of related-ness. I also think of how it must have been when that Wall came down, the overwhelming emotion surrounding the people. When I was in Germany in my room, I remembered that the reason why there were so many shows about the fall of die Mauer, was that this year marks the 20th anniversary. Crazy to have that happen in my lifetime, to be in a country where something so defining can still be felt. It resonates, and the more I was there, the more I could feel it. I remember hearing stories of life before the fall of the wall from dear friends of mine there. I saw drivers licenses and passports of people from Eastern Germany. I understand that we do have that kind of history here, but nothing so fresh as it is in that country.